I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
