I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do herpes really smell.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize