The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
