He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
