five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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