He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
