Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
