WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
