So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
