my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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