OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
