Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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