my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
