My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
