he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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