through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
