Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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