dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
