How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
