hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
