I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
