I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
