Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
