You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
