two words...techno handjob
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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