grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
