I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
