Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
