WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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