Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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