that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
