Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
