his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
that may or may not have been my penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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