Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
