i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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