getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
