Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
