One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is wine microwaveable?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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