oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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