if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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