and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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