Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
