come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
