i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
