I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
