the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
