My room smells like vodka and shame
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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