It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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