dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
