it wasn't lemon gatorade
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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