you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
