What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
