I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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