Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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