So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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