Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
