Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
