True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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