Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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