ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
