just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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