I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
