I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fuck appropriateness.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
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So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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