There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to make out with him forever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
