I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
