I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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