I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
