We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
