She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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