I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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