I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
