I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
