ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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