I smell stomach acid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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