I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
